Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
