I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...