My Higher Power is John Stamos
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
