he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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