U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Randomize
