you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
