how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
