There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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