dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
