I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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