dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
