I puked a lego.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
