I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
