mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
