he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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