But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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