Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
