I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
