3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
