I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Drunk is a universal language darling
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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