quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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