Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
