So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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