The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
