so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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