I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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