): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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