YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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