Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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