Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
A+ Viking dick
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
