My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
