I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
