I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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