my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
