Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Randomize