She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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