Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
