is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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