I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
people are starting to question the shark bite story
birth control should be required to get into college
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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