dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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