I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
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