I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
