Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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