Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
