omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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