Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he tried to convert me to islam
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize