this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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