Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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