youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
