i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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