i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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