For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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