she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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