Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
