She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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