i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
