I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
