i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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