I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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