My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
