In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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