so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
