Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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