thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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