Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
