But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Four minutes until I can fart!
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I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
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they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize